week eight

Recently, in large French city, a poster featuring a
young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said:
THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the
woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always
surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious
humans). They have an active sex life, they get
pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a
wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with
shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing
wonderful places like Patagonia,
the Barren Sea and the coral reefs
of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have
even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and
virtually have no predators other than humans. They are
loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean
psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or
human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill
men who get close to them not to mention how could they have
sex? Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to
mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a
fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when
media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people
are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my
kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a
coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our
heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to
the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are
enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning
today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will
think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am.”

Winner of the week again...
**DAD**

weekly totals...
1... Dad - 53
2... Kristen and Jeremy - 51
4... Mom - 46
5... Andi, Zeke, and Izzy - 45
8... Nicci - 0

total rankings...
1... Mom - 354
2... Dad - 342
3... Kristen - 330
4... Andi - 318
5... Jeremy - 312
6... Izzy - 259
7... Zeke - 258
8... Nicci - 83